Sunshine...

After a long week of B being sicky, we were very excited to get outside in this SUNSHINE and warm weather today {before the rain hit, anyway}...

She is my sunshine.

I remember when I was about half-way through my pregnancy with Brynn, I went to work {in the PICU} one evening and had my heart completely shattered into pieces by the time my first rounds were over.
A mother had just made the decision to withdraw life support on her baby son... Both the most devastating and merciful decision a parent can make completely out of love for their child. This child would have never lived a life of any quality, but would have instead lived a life of pain and torture due to his diagnosis-- which would have only given him a very short life expectancy in the first place. {Some may not agree with this decision, but I always tell these people, unless you have walked in these shoes, you will never understand what this decision involves... To me, after all that I have seen, it is such a brave and selfless thing to do for your child}
What really stuck with me with this particular mother and child is that I remember her crying and cuddling his sweet, limp, little body all night long... I would walk in to do my rounds, and she would be cuddling him and sweetly singing, "You are my sunshine" through her river of tears... Heartbreaking.
I could really feel her pain in her words as she sang the lyrics... It was all I could do to get out of the room without bursting into tears. I just couldn't even imagine, feeling your baby kick inside you, welcoming them into the world, and then receiving the most devastating news you could possibly imagine... For the first time, I was not just a health professional, I was a mother too.
After Brynn was born, I remember rocking with her in the nursery, and singing to her a Kari Jobe song that I had sang to her while she was in my belly. I started thinking about this mother and child, and without hesitation, I just started singing "You are my sunshine" to her... This became her favorite lullaby.
I sang it to her almost every night, and I always thought of this mommy and her baby...
I would feel so guilty for enjoying my healthy baby as much as I did... And I would pray that this mother has found comfort for her pain and loss.

To this day, it still reminds me to enjoy every second of the "sunshine" in your life...


As for my little sunshine... I can't believe she is almost 19 months old!

We are so ready for Grandpa's pool to open so that we can start swimming lessons, and all sorts of fun in the sun!! :) In the meantime, B is talking up a storm these days! I swear, it won't be long before she starts replacing those little jibberish stories she has been telling with real sentences... In English, hopefully. :)

I just love putting on play clothes and heading out for a new adventure...

Hope you all are having a happy week!

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Sunshine...