Wednesday, April 20, 2011

High Note

This post may or may not have a double meaning... :)

First, I would like to share that I am doing much better.
{Ahhhhhh! High note.}
I know I may have frightened a few people with my Facebook statuses this week, 
but I just want to say that it's a work-in-progress right now.

I know a lot of people may not understand what it's like to have that "perfect" job- you know, the one where just walking into the building makes you feel so lucky and fulfilled-- but I can definitely tell you that I am one that does...

I can honestly say that every single night that I walked into that hospital, 
I was glad to be there. I loved to see all of the smiling faces of my coworkers, and I loved my job. I always felt like I was a part of something bigger than words can even describe. And since I didn't live anywhere near my family, Riley filled that void for me as well.
The girls that I worked with (and some boys too) were my family...
The kiddos were my family...

It's no secret to those that are close to me that I have been struggling in the last month to find something to fill the void that Riley once occupied. I know that many people cannot relate to what I am going through-- I am so blessed to have what I have right now. And I know that.
However, I am just craving to find that something that fulfills me again!
 Essentially, I am starting my life over-- and it's not as easy as I thought it would be.
If I didn't have Brynn, I would be a total mess right now.
She is my light and my whole world.

There have been so many changes to get used to, and I have definitely been praying that God can help me find that peace of mind again. I just don't feel like the same person that I was two months ago. It's the strangest and most out-of-control feeling anyone can have.
How do you find your way back to where you were when your life is completely different?

I guess I just thought that being a wife and mother, my life would be pretty stable and settled. Since we have moved, I have been throwing myself in every direction just to grasp some sense of that stability again. I know this sounds really deep and possibly a little melodramatic, but I am just glad to be able to SAY it, and not feel guilty that I am mourning everything I have sacrificed to come back here. The more I try to deny that, the more it hurts.
I have sacrificed a lot, but I also know there is more for me here... I just have to find it.

I have loved staying at home with Brynn these last couple of months, but I know there is more that I can do for her and myself... 
I want her to understand that you really can have it all-- the career, the kids, and also be involved in your church and your community! There are no boundaries!
I want to be able to set that example for her!

Anyway... On to less dramatic topics.

I have been planning elements for Brynn's baptism, which is finally coming together!
I wanted to make the invitations and her baptism candle myself, so I did a little research!
The invitations weren't a problem.
I just bought some A7 scalloped notes from Archivers, and used the Microsoft Word templates they have on their website to print them out!

The candle was a little more intimidating to take on.
I took a peek on Etsy to see if I could find some ideas, and I found something similar to THIS.
Luckily, I found THIS video on YouTube to help me get it right!

It was much easier than anticipated!
And it only cost about $7 (so far)!!
Compared to the $40+ the Etsy listing was asking, I think I did well!
Of course, I still have a little work to do, but I think I'll come out ahead!

As for the "double meaning" for this post...

Brynn has been doing some experimenting with her vocal range lately...
She loves to practice her high notes!

1 comment:

Kate said...

This post was especially interesting to and I can relate to certain part of it. It sounds like you are extremely healthy and are already heading in the right direction for yourself as well as your family. I have found in the past for me that it really helps to talk about how you feel and to be honest with yourself, your husband, family and friends...which is exactly what you are already doing. I absolutely LOVE reading your posts. It's so funny because I can't wait to finally meet you and hang out with you and your family the next time we are in NH! PS My other favorite post is the most recent dog post! :)