Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Evil Stress Monster

 Invisible... That is how I have been feeling lately.
I am spread so thin, I don't know how anyone can even see me!

I honestly don't even know how I function on a daily basis.
But I'm also too scared to stop and relax for fear that the inertia of my life will never be restored!! And I cannot afford for that to happen right now...

When I decided that it would be a great idea to stay up all day with Brynn before working through the night, it seemed like it would be a lot easier... And well worth the sacrifice of trying to find a babysitter that we trusted (so that I could actually SLEEP while she was there), and paying out the nose for a daycare provider!! I thought having a nap before I went in would be sufficient...

Well, I'm here to tell you that it's NOT... Especially when you are dealing with your home being on the market, a BIG move (aka completely changing your life) hanging over our heads, trying to find a new job... And the list goes on!! I am rapidly approaching my breaking point, y'all. Rapidly. Approaching.

Thank goodness we only have 3 more weeks of this lifestyle. I am actually looking forward to staying home with Brynn for awhile once we get back home! I feel like I haven't had the time to take a nice, deep breath in a very long time. The worst part is that I feel like I am not being the mommy that I want to be for Brynn... And that really sucks.

I keep daydreaming about taking her to the pool where I learned to swim, and driving her around NH in a golf cart... Taking her on shopping trips with my mom or my sisters-in-law, or going to grab coffee with her at the coffee shop that was once my Grandpa's furniture store! And of course, taking her to Playtopia when she's a little older (I will post a photo of Playtopia once we move home... Every kid's fantasy). I am truly getting more excited to spend quality time with her where I grew up, which makes me anxious to get home... I feel like we are losing precious time that we can never get back, which stresses me out more than anything. I feel like I could just burst into tears at any moment!!

I'm also trying not to focus on everything I will miss about living in Indy. I made a list of things that I was going to show Allen, since he grouches about not missing anything about our lives here... Here is my list so far (in random order).

Things I Will Miss About Indianapolis:

1. Driving 70mph on the interstates-- There's only ONE interstate in southern Indiana! Ha!
2. Easy access to any store or restaurant we may want to go to... Slim pickins down in the 'Ville (compared to Indy), and everything is at least a 20 minute drive.
3. My job at Riley :( I won't elaborate further for fear of crying...
4. Our house. It's not much, but I will miss our house.
5. Colts, Indians, Pacers games... We never really made it a priority to go :( How sad.
6. Doggy Daycare for Ozzie. We will definitely miss Aunt B. 
7. Green Bean Delivery. Yes, we have our organic groceries delivered to our home for a STEAL! I'm hoping we can find some good farmers' markets as a substitute.
8. Our friends. We're losing most of our friends, but gaining our family... Catch 22!
9. Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel STORES, The Fashion Mall, etc.
10. The Canal... Never got to go with Brynnie :(
11. The Skyline!! I love driving to work and seeing the amazing skyline come into view!

Right now, I just wish I could close my eyes and go to sleep... Only to wake up and find that I somehow missed the move!! 
These next few weeks are going to be extra stressful. Saying goodbye is never easy. :(

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